16 Comments
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Stacey's avatar

Thank you—this resonates so much. Your note reminds me of the near enemy of connection, which is attachment. It also reminds me of one of my own protective mechanisms—“fawn” was one of f-words (flight, freeze, etc) that I’ve relied on while seeking safety. You are right, constantly seeking approval is so unmooring and there is a cost. Thank you again (not fawning here, this is genuine!).

PS. I also wonder, how does it feel to be on the other end of fawning vs genuine appreciation?

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Bryan Kramer's avatar

Stacey, thank you, and same here. I wrote this as much for me as anyone else. I catch myself in the moment more often as I spot the triggers. Fawning can be so sneaky, like trying to be nice to stay safe.

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Jackie Lea Shelley 🐹's avatar

Ohhhh I always liked you, but I like you even more on rediscovery :) I wish we could hang out again! But I am happy you’re here. I have a good feeling about this space, and who I’m seeing in it!

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Bryan Kramer's avatar

Jackie, that means a lot, feels easy and familiar in the best way. I’m really glad we’re reconnecting here.

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Stuart K Kimball's avatar

I was thinking about whether I liked myself just this morning. This post made my day

Thanks Bryan

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Bryan Kramer's avatar

Stuart, that means a lot, funny how timing works sometimes. Glad it landed right when you needed it.

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Greg Marchand's avatar

You’ve woven a profound and beautiful truth into a quilt I’ve seen carried through many seasons—threadbare yet enduring. Thank you, BK. Your words are thought-provoking and deeply inspiring. I like you; I love you, and I always have.

What an extraordinary soul you’ve become—not just to me, but to so many. Your insights carry weight and meaning and deserve to be heard by all who are open to their depth. You’ve reminded me once again why we must fortify our spirits and stand firm, even when life surrounds us with others yet makes us feel alone.

I believe, In truth, our perceptions often trap us, not the solitude itself. Thank you for the light you pour into this world, making it feel relevant, sacred, and personal on our temporary life journey.

With gratitude and love,

G ~

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Bryan Kramer's avatar

Greg, that meant the world to me. You’ve always had a way of showing up with heart and depth, and I’m lucky to call you a friend.

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Karie Bennett's avatar

What a great article. I LIKE it.

It’s so illuminating in so many ways. One of the best things about gaining years in life is the wisdom that comes along with those years. At 60, it seemed, I began to get selective and stop caring about some of what you describe. Not consciously, but it was part of the getting older package. It’s a relief, because it leaves me open to worry about new stuff. 😜 xo

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Bryan Kramer's avatar

Karie, I love this, and that perfect wink at aging. Grateful we get to grow and laugh through it all together, my friend.

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Oliver N Mark's avatar

the way you describe it as a practice is so accurate. because it is constant work.

that part that wants to fit in, that wants to be seen by others

sometimes, i think that part that actually wants to sit at the table,

and not build its own...

sure, it exists to keep us alive, yet comes with a price.

the price of a little bit less integrity... maybe that's the pang that accompanies the chameleon-like skin shift we do to keep others happy.

maybe its not the feeling we rocked the boat that hurts, but the loss of integrity... hmm...

i enjoyed this read, it made me reflect on how people pleasing, procrastination, whatever it may be... things we often call 'flaws' are not flaws, but part of the human design.

and the work is not to fix them, but just in shining light on them, widening the gap between impulse and response. understanding them.

thank you for your openness, and realness here Bryan. its inspiring.

p.s. funnily enough, right now i notice my thoughts:

"is this a good comment? does it make me look like ive read everything properly?"

"are people going to like this comment?" "is Bryan going to like it?"

wild...

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Bryan Kramer's avatar

Oliver, it’s raw and real, and yeah, that voice in your head asking if it’s good enough? That’s the one we write for, not to.

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Michael Alcantara's avatar

Finally. The truth.

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Bryan Kramer's avatar

Glad it landed with you. :-)

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Cat Howland's avatar

Thanks so much for this, Bryan. That last line is such a mic drop.

All of this resonates for me. The act of leadership (being in the arena) will always bring on opinions from people. So as I’ve stepped into leadership more and more over time, I’ve had to work on this idea of (not) being liked. And when rattles me, it can suck up SO MUCH of my time and energy. So when I notice what’s going on, I shift my focus and energy to people who really “get me” and I re-ground myself in my own purpose.

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Bryan Kramer's avatar

Cat, I feel you on all of this, it’s wild how fast trying to be liked can drain us. I felt every word of what you shared.

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