How I learned to trust again

Fragile, guarded, but transformative

For years, I wore my distrust like armor. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to trust—it’s that life had taught me not to. It was a failed business, a broken friendship here and there, and I began to see trust as something fragile and dangerous. It wasn’t worth the risk, I told myself. It's better to stay guarded. It's better to rely only on me.

It worked to an extent. I got through life, one cautious step at a time. But it got lonely. I stopped building deep connections. My collaborations were functional but uninspired. And I told myself this was just how it had to be. My saboteur was in full force. All this from a guy who wrote a book on human relationships.

But life has a way of challenging the stories we tell ourselves.

The moment didn’t arrive with a dramatic epiphany—it crept in with the crushing stillness of depression, a suffocating weight that made even the air feel heavier.

It was the kind of moment where you realize the walls you’ve built to protect yourself have also become your prison. I wasn’t just keeping others out—I was locking myself in. Relationships felt hollow, opportunities slipped by, and the spark that used to drive me forward was barely a flicker. It wasn’t one big failure or betrayal that brought me here, but the slow erosion of trust—first in others, then in myself.

The inflection point came when the weight of staying guarded became heavier than the fear of vulnerability. It wasn’t a dramatic moment but a slow, suffocating realization that my self-protective walls were isolating me.

Depression crept in, relationships felt shallow, and my spark for life dimmed to a flicker. I reached a point where the loneliness and disconnection were no longer tolerable.

Sitting in that stillness, I understood something had to change. The only way forward was to risk trusting again—not because it was easy, but because the alternative was no longer sustainable.

I started to see trust as lighting a lantern in the dark and handing it to someone else to guide the way. You can’t see where they’ll lead you, but you’ll both remain stuck in the shadows without that light. It’s the courage to believe that you’ll find a better way.

The process wasn’t easy. Trust is a muscle, and mine had atrophied.

I began with small steps. I shared something vulnerable—a mistake I’d made. Instead of judgment, I gained understanding. Slowly, others started sharing back with me in my circle.

The more I trusted others, the more they trusted me in return. It was like I’d unlocked a hidden potential in the people around me.

Creativity blossomed. Relationships deepened again. And I began to feel something I hadn’t felt in years: ease.

But rebuilding trust wasn’t just about other people. It was about trusting myself again. I had to let go of the narrative that every setback was a failure and every betrayal a reason to close myself off.

If you’re struggling to trust, I get it. I’ve been there. But here’s what I learned: trust doesn’t start with guarantees. It starts with a choice. And when you choose to trust, you open yourself to a more meaningful life.

Best,
Bryan

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It would mean the world if you commented with a word or two on how this landed for you. -bryan

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