Being One Person Everywhere

Drop the act

Earlier this year, a client called me after a board meeting. Her voice cracked before she even got to the point. She said, “I kept nodding along even though I didn’t agree. And when they asked for feedback, I repeated what I thought they wanted to hear. Then I drove home and cried in the car.”

She wasn’t crying because she disagreed with the decision. She was in tears because she betrayed herself in the process.

That moment, when you feel the weight of saying what’s safe instead of what’s true, is one of the most human things I hear.

We’ve all been there. You tell yourself it’s professionalism, but really, it’s performance.

And the cost isn’t just emotional.

Every time you edit yourself into what you think the room needs, you subtract energy from what you’re actually capable of giving. From connection. From the work that matters.

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I’ve seen people who manage billion-dollar budgets and still do not admit when they feel uncertain. It’s possible to sound confident while quietly doubting yourself.

You can edit every impulse until all that remains is corporate speak.

That’s a prison.

The persona becomes a cage. Your own thoughts are muffled behind what a “good leader” should say. Your real voice replaced by something rehearsed.

You know you’re in performance mode when you start narrating yourself in third person: A good leader may say… Someone at this level should…

It’s exhausting. Performance is a translation process that never ends.

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For years, I knew how to perform the part.

I was the Silicon Valley guy with the big agency, the books, the keynotes.

On the outside, it looked polished. Inside, I was carrying a body and a life that didn’t match the image.

I was obese, diabetic, and exhausted from pretending I could keep showing up in two different skins.

The turning point wasn’t just about health; it was about honesty. When I started taking the weight off, I realized I wasn’t just shedding pounds.

I was shedding the mask I’d been wearing, the one that told me I had to project control while feeling entirely out of it.

Something shifted when I stopped dividing myself. I stopped managing “work Bryan” and “real Bryan” like two competing brands. I began showing up as one person. Imperfect. Still learning. But no longer split in two.

You don’t need the script. You need you.

The irony is brutal and freeing at the same time: the less you perform, the more you’re trusted.

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But here’s the paradox: swinging too far the other way doesn’t work either. Radical authenticity without boundaries is chaos.

You might think you’re being “real” when you overshare.

Or use “authenticity” as an excuse to bleed all over your team.

That’s not presence. That’s abdication of discernment.

True authenticity isn’t about revealing everything. It’s about revealing what serves.

What connects. What elevates the room instead of derailing it.

It’s not about tearing down every filter. It’s about dismantling the ones that protect your ego and keeping the ones that protect the work.

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The sweet spot is integration. Not professional or personal, but professional through personal.

It looks different for everyone.

The question to ask yourself is simple:

What part of me serves this moment?

Sometimes it’s admitting you don’t know instead of faking certainty.

Sometimes it’s asking the question everyone else is too afraid to ask.

Sometimes it’s sharing a piece of your experience that unlocks clarity for the group.

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At some point, you get tired of the performance. Tired of managing versions of yourself. Tired of wearing different masks.

That’s when you decide: I’d rather be trusted than polished. I’d rather be whole than perfect.

Polished is boring. Presence is rare.

Be rare.

Stay human
- Bryan

PS: Where do you catch yourself or others performing instead of showing up? Drop it in the comments.

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You are reading BEing Human, a weekly newsletter about an honest exploration of trust, leadership, and mindfulness from the bestselling author of Human-to-Human and Shareology, CEO, and TEDTalker. Written by Bryan Kramer, an executive coach and advisor to Fortune executives, we dive into what it means to lead ourselves in life, business, and the moments that matter most.

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